There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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