I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think my mom watched the whole time
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
