GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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