I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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