I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
