If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
