i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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