i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
