I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
