I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
