I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
