Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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