But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
