They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
