There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
