I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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