white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
