There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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