I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
