The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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