You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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