3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
