I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
