I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
