Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We don't watch enough power rangers
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
