whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need a beard to bite.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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