I hate all girls vehemently.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
