Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
