I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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