I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
