I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
