Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Randomize
