I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
