I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
