That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
