i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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