Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
