I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so much tequila, so little girl.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
