the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
