How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
