i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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