So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
