my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
