the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
