Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
