Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
