Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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