i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
