I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
