Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
zippers are such a cool invention
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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