tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
