Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
