Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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