All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
