Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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